


dysphoric days

by orphan_account



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Chubby Phil, Gender Dysphoria, M/M, Trans Phil, Weight Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-27
Updated: 2016-06-27
Packaged: 2018-07-18 12:28:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 344
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7315261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's one of those days.</p>
            </blockquote>





	dysphoric days

It's one of those bad dysphoric days. The days where he's not only conscious about his weight or his sexual organs, but rather both. He stares at the ceiling, his eyes unfocused. He feels wrong in this body, in this chubby, disgusting body, in this feminine, gross body.

Dan knocks on the door and Phil is quick to let him in. "Bad day?" he asks, soft like cotton candy and the way rainy days feel like. Phil nods, words lost in his consciousness of his own body.

Dan massages the other boy's shoulders absently, trying to make him feel better. "You're a real boy, Phil. And your weight doesn't make you any lesser."

Phil pulls him away, repressing a sob down his throat. "I'm fat and I'm a girl and I'm ugly and terrible," he declares, his voice slightly shaky as he proceeds talking. "And I'm not worthy of you. At all."

"You're worthy of me and of all that makes you happy, Phil." Dan speaks softly, and he kisses him, their lips meeting with softness and pure love. Phil is rather unresponsive, but when he pulls away he's smiling a little bit. "Better?" When Phil doesn't respond. "What do you think?"

Phil's hands grip on the sheets and he sighs. "I... I don't know."

"Repeat after me. Fake it til you make it, remember?" Phil nods, and Dan says what he's said so many times and that it still feels like candle wax in Phil's mouth.

"I'm valid." Lies. "I'm chubby and that's alright." More lies. Fat, disgusting.

He repeats it under his breath and he finds himself sort of believing it. I'm a boy, despite my boobs and my vagina. I'm good, despite my weight. I'm okay. I'm fine.

Dan realizes the change on Phil's tone of voice as he murmurs along to his words and he smiles softly before he kisses him again, trailing kisses along his lips to his neck.

"I love you, Phil. I love you so much."

"Love you too," Phil says, a weak smile on his lips.


End file.
